Sugar Induced Institute Destruction
by roamingwyoming
Summary: A funny little fic starring a hyper Lance. Tell me what you think, and there will be a sequal.


Well, one night, I was thinking up ways to get my brother back for taking my Good Charlotte CD, and this just kind of randomly popped into my head. That was over six months ago, and I figured I should write it down before I forget it completely. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Lance groaned as he rolled over in bed, trying to escape the wrath of the sun's rays. Being only half awake, he promptly rolled right off his bed and onto the floor. The house shook slightly in Lance's annoyed state, but surprisingly, none of the other residents woke up. 

Stumbling downstairs and into the kitchen, he started searching the cabinets for any mugs that weren't broken. Pulling out one that had a picture of a cow on it, he made his way over to the coffee pot, hoping Pietro had already made some fresh coffee. He was in luck. He poured himself half a mug of coffee and took a sip. 'Ugh,' he thought, 'it needs sugar.' Now slightly more awake, and searching frantically for the sugar bowl, he finally found it sitting right next to the coffee pot. How he didn't see it sitting right in front of his face 5 minutes earlier, even I don't know. 

He gave a cry of triumph as he yanked the lid off the bowl and dumped its contents into his mug. The mug, now filled to the brim, contained more sugar than it did coffee. Lance didn't care as he downed the concoction in one gulp. Setting the mug on the counter, he went upstairs to go change. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Pietro, just finishing his morning run, stepped into the boarding house, only to stare in horror at the sight before him. Todd and Fred were tied to the couch using shoelaces, while Lance stood on the coffee table laughing like a maniac. He was wearing regular jeans and a vest, but no shirt. He had put a pair of black silk boxers on his head, and was now screaming along to the tunes on the radio. 

Pietro's eye twitched slightly as Lance turned to look at him, a psychotic gleam in his eyes. "Lance-what-the-heck-are-you-doing?! Did-you-get-into-the-sugar-again?" Lance stared blankly at Pietro as the speed demon continued to ramble on. Pietro, now ranting while staring at the ceiling, didn't see Lance dive at him until it was too late. Pietro looked down to see a shoelace tied to his ankle, Lance holding the other end. Before Pietro could protest, Lance had dragged him, Todd, and Fred to the jeep and shoved them in. 

"Hey, where are we goin' yo?" Todd piped up from the back. 

Lance only cackled in reply. "You'll see!" he said evilly as he floored the jeep. Todd shrieked as he desperately tried to hold on to the back of the jeep. As it turned a sharp corner and went up on two wheels, Pietro thought it would be safer if he got out and ran. So he did. Even though he was still tethered to the jeep, he figured he'd rather be alive and worn out, rather than dead. Fred however, was sitting calmly in the back of the jeep, eating a bagel. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Wanda walked down the stairs and stared at the mess in the living room. "What the heck have those idiots been up to?" she muttered to herself. She opened the front door and saw the jeep's tire tracks leading down the street. She sighed and followed them, hoping she would be able to find the boys before they caused too much trouble. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Pietro was starting to pant, as Lance had been driving all through the city. His eyes widened as he saw what they were heading for: the X-mansion. "Lance!" he screamed, "Stop the jeep! Lance, are you even listening to me? Stop the jeep!! Stopitstopitstopit!!" Lance paid no heed to Pietro's warning and crashed right through the Institute's front gates. He somehow stopped before they hit the front door and jumped over the door of the jeep. He grabbed the three laces that his prisoners were tied to and marched through the front door like he owned the place. 

As he passed the living room, all the New Recruits looked up surprised to see Lance with boxers on his head, Fred still eating a bagel, Todd with his eyes wide and his hair blown back, and Pietro, who looked about ready to collapse. Ray immediately jumped up and took a defensive stance in front of the couch. "What are you doing here?" he snarled, sparks already starting to fly from his hands. 

Lance just stared at the hot-tempered teen and let a small earthquake shake the mansion. Ray, slightly off-balance in his position, fell to floor, along with Pietro, who had still not quite recovered. Lance cleared his throat and said, "All of you will bow before me for I, am Mullet Boy!" As soon as he said this, everyone started laughing hysterically, even the other members of the Brotherhood. Lance paid no heed to them, and instead, pointed to Sam and called him over. "You there," he said, as if he was addressing a servant boy. "What's your name?" 

"My name's Sam," he answered quietly but confidently. "Now, what are you doing here? And why are you only talking to me?" 

"Because my dear lad, us people with mullets have to stick together of course. I am appointing you my partner, and together, we shall rule Bayville!" Lance started cackling again as Amara and Jubilee helped Ray to his feet, while Rahne went and stood in front of Sam. 

"Listen lad," she said, starting to morph into a wolf, "Yer not takin' him anywhere as long as I'm around, ye hear?" By now she was in her full wolf form and Lance sighed. He stepped forward and simply slipped a shoelace around her neck. Rahne blinked in confusion, trying to understand how she didn't see that coming. Bobby stepped forward and froze Lance's feet to the ground. Roberto stepped into the sunlight from the window and flared up. He simply went over to Rahne and broke the shoelace around her neck. He paused for a minute before deciding to help out the other Brotherhood boys too. 

Lance glared at everyone before he started ranting. "A rebellion is it? Well, you'll see, you'll all see, I'll come back and rule you all someday! And you!" he cried frantically, pointing at Roberto, "I shall have you eliminated for freeing my slaves! Do you hear me? ELIMINATED!!" He made an earthquake that broke the ice pinning him to the floor and ran off down one of the halls. 

The Brotherhood and New Recruits shared worried glances before they heard something break upstairs. They all rushed up the stairs to see that Lance had broken a vase and taken one of the roses out of it. He had it clamped between his teeth and was twirling around doing some kind of dance. Kitty stepped out of her room down the hall and stared at Lance. She was happy to see him, but not happy at what he was doing...whatever the heck that was. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Wanda walked up to the institute's front gates and took in their mangled form before sighing and continuing onward. She looked at the jeep, which was somehow still intact, and looked under the seats. She found some bits of bagel, several shoelaces, and several bottles of beer. She took one out and examined it. Clutching it in her hand, Wanda strode up to the front door and slowly pushed it open. A mess was in the living room and she could only assume that this was the rest of the Brotherhood's fault. 

She heard Wolverine snarling upstairs and rushed towards the noise. She didn't want him killing any of her teammates. Her eyes widened as she saw Wolverine approaching Lance with his claws out. Lance was paying no attention to him, and was now singing Christmas songs, holding a rose in each hand. He danced over to Wolverine and gave one of the roses to him, before taking off down the hall. Logan stood there in shock, staring at the rose in the hand as Lance ran off down the hall. The Brotherhood Boys and New Recruits were soon chasing him as Wanda confidently marched passed with a beer bottle in her hand. Logan grabbed it from her and sliced the top off, chugging it down. He tossed the bottle over his shoulder at her as he stumbled off down the hall, muttering something about hallucinations. 

Wanda caught the bottle and glared at Wolverine before remembering she was supposed to be trying to find the others. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

"Lance, cut it out!" yelled Fred as Lance swung from a chandelier. Kitty had joined the crowd of entertained mutants, along with Rogue, who had nothing better to do. Jean and Scott came out of rooms right under the chandelier, wondering what all the commotion was about. 

Scott looked up and his eyes narrowed behind his glasses. "Alvers!" he roared. When he saw that Lance wasn't paying attention to him, he took of his glasses and tried the shoot him with an optic blast. He missed entirely as the chandelier swung to the left. The red beam hit the base of the chandelier and it fell from the ceiling. Lance jumped off, and ran back downstairs as the chandelier fell on Scott and Jean. The other mutants then decided it was a good time to leave, and ran off towards the stairs. Scott and Jean started yelling at them to come back, Scott threatening to give them extra Danger Room sessions. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

Wanda jumped out of the way as Avalanche came barreling past. She turned and ran down the hall, following him. She hexed the rug on the stairs, causing Avalanche to slip on it and fall down the stairs. He was screaming the entire way down, and finally ended up, quite dazed looking, in a heap on the floor. As soon as he tried to stand up, Wanda came up behind him and broke the beer bottle over the back of his head. Pietro soon caught up with them, staring open mouthed at Wanda, who had started dragging Lance down the hall. "What did you do to him?!" he screamed. 

"Don't worry," replied Wanda, "I didn't kill him. I think." Pietro slapped his hand to his forehead, wondering how people could be so stupid. As the large group of mutants caught up with them, Wanda already had Lance halfway in the jeep. She glared at the remaining Brotherhood boys. "Get in the jeep," she growled. Pietro jumped in the passenger seat, while Todd and Fred were in the back, along with the unconscious Lance. Wanda, not being able to find where Lance had put the car keys, hexed the jeep and sped off the institute grounds. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

The New Recruits, Kitty, and Rogue, were still confused as to what had just happened. Suddenly, they all looked at each other and fell to the floor, laughing. Jamie was still on the floor and one of his copies came in holding a video camera. "Can anyone say, blackmail?" 


End file.
